In a recent conversation with a good friend, where I mentioned some of recent frustrations (related to some decision I’ve made), she reminded me that numerous previous rough patches brought me to a better place. By ‘place’ she meant financially, geographically and/or psychologically, but not necessarily all of the above. In fact, there have been times where any improvement in one area depended on a bit of a sacrifice in another area.
I mentioned that, although the ‘data’ supports her conclusion, it doesn’t necessarily make subsequent ‘shitstorms’ (a word I used in lieu of ‘rough patches’, ‘frustrations’ and/or more) easier to deal with. She agreed. But, this only provides context for my main point. Below is an excerpt from one our WhatsApp chat:
I’m taking another look at to what extent I’ve brought [some of the shitstorms] on myself… a few have at least been partially self-inflicted based on how I responded to fucked up situations. This isn’t about regretting the past but wondering what (if anything) I could/should do going forward.
There are two points I want to make here… First, this is not about taking complete responsibility for certain situations, because I certainly did not control the actions of others who contributed to those situations. That’s on them. But, in theory, I could have found different ways to deal with them in the moment, but that would not necessarily have changed my decisions, but could have lessened some of the damage done.
Second, I don’t believe that being disappointed in the consequences of a decisions is synonymous with regretting that decision. For example, there are a few things that haven’t worked out as I might have hoped, but the disappointing circumstances were far from inevitable. More specifically, as frustrated as a I with a few things at the moment (especially regarding my plans to find remote work), I do not regret my decision to leave academia or the related actions that resulted in my being in Taiwan right now.
I’m not sure if what I’m saying makes sense to you, but I know it resonates with a few friends already. So, I thought I’d share it here.
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Life is a learning curve, you will discover unfortunately through trial and error what works and what doesn’t. You’ll find your groove once you have learned the lessons life wants to teach you. “This too shall pass”